Navigating Relationships with Chronic Illness with L. A. Sprague

Chronic illness doesn’t only change your body. It changes the way plans get made, the way texts get read, and the way silence can start to feel personal. We’ve both seen how quickly a flare-up can turn into guilt, defensiveness, or that awful question underneath it all: “Do you still want me in your life if I can’t show up like I used to?”

We talk through the relationship skills that make friendships, dating, marriage, and family dynamics more sustainable when chronic illness is part of the story. I share practical communication tools like asking permission before a heavy conversation, saying “I can” and “I can’t” without overpromising, and using “I feel” statements to address conflict without attacking. We also slow down for a quick box breathing reset, because sometimes your nervous system needs support before your words can land well.

From there, we dig into trust, patience, and boundaries. If you’re the healthy friend or caregiver, trusting an invisible illness like POTS can be hard when you can’t see the symptoms. If you’re the chronically ill friend, it can be just as hard to trust that someone’s need for space isn’t abandonment. We also get honest about when repeated disrespect, ableism, or constant one-sidedness means it’s time to reevaluate the relationship and set boundaries you will actually keep. Finally, we end on intentionality: small, thoughtful actions that communicate love when life is limited.

If you’ve been wondering how to keep relationships strong with chronic illness in the mix, hit play, then subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the support they need.

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Transcript

Welcome And Relationship Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm your Jesus loving and potty host, Elie Sprague. Welcome to Christians with Chronic Illnesses. Hello everybody. Thanks for listening to Christians with Chronic Illnesses. Today, we're gonna be talking about navigating relationships slash friendships while having a chronic illness. Welcome to our halftime show. If you would like to see full-length episodes where we interview Christians with chronic illnesses, please feel free to go discover our discography. Disography. Our you know what I mean, collection of episodes. And I hope that you stick around. Thanks for being here. Per usual, if you have something to say, any comments or questions regarding Christianity or chronic illness, feel free to leave your comments below or email us at cwcipodcast at gmail.com. First thing on the agenda, folks, is honesty. The approach we're gonna take today is we are going to talk about several different topics coming from both the chronically ill friends' perspective andor partner or family member. You know, apply it to your own situation, as well as the healthy partner. We're gonna try to address both sides of the situation. So I hope that this is helpful for you as a chronically ill person andor friend of a chronically ill person. And please feel free to send it to the other person that you're listening to this for. Alright, let's dive into it. Honesty.

Honesty And Asking Permission

SPEAKER_00 1:38

So I think that a super important step of having a good relationship as a chronically ill person or with a chronically ill person is your ability to be honest. And I think a good place to start is by asking permission from the other person. So if you're gonna have a difficult conversation with someone, let's say you want to talk about how, hey, I'm not able to do this thing today, or I'm not able to be there for you to the extent that you need. I think if you're gonna sit down and have a conversation with that about that at a pretty good length, I think you need to ask someone where they're at. So for example, if you're the chronically ill friend or person in this situation, hey, do you have the mental space or the time to talk about kind of a hard topic? Or vice versa, you know, if you're the healthy friend in this situation as well. I think it's just important to ask people's permission and where they're at instead of just diving in and being like, jump scare, by the way, I have an issue with you, bud. I think it's good to check in how they're doing first and if they have the capacity in that moment to be there for you. Because I think we've all been in an uncomfortable situation where we feel like, hey, where did that come from? What the heck? But also, I don't know if you have any good friendships or relationships. I hope you do, but it's always there's always something so comforting about being asked, hey, can I talk to you about something? Do you have the space or the availability for this? Because then you actually have the option to say no, which can actually be very helpful because maybe you actually don't have the capacity for that. And if you're in a mature relationship with this person, then they'll be able to understand that and hopefully readdress it at a later point. So I think honesty is important, and honesty can start with hey, just up front, I need to talk about something kind of difficult. Do you have space for that? Up front, no, I don't have space for that right now. Thank you for asking. Or yes, I do. Let's let's chat about it. So I think that's a great first step for a lot of difficult conversations is asking kind of permission. And I know that can feel humiliating and kind of awkward because it's like when you're the one who's feeling offended or feeling that you need to express a need, it can feel kind of humiliating and childish to be like asking permission because you can kind of feel like, oh, well, I'm in the right, I deserve this, I need this. And it takes a lot of humility in that relationship to meet them halfway and kind of just be like, hey, can you do this? So great first step is asking per permission if it's gonna be a lengthy conversation. But I

Saying I Can And I Can't

SPEAKER_00 4:36

think also it's important for both sides and both people in the relationship to be able to say I can and I can't to things, right? So for the chronically ill person, this might look like, hey, I know that we had plans to go to the zoo this week, and we've been really looking forward to it. And I know that it's important to you because you love animals, but unfortunately, you know, I cannot stay. I feel that, you know, I'm having a flare-up, I'm having certain symptoms, or maybe it's something important came up with my husband that he needs me, you know, later this week. And I know that if I go to the zoo today, I'm not gonna be able to be there for him for whatever that thing is that came up that her husband might need. And vice versa. I think it's appropriate for the healthy person in the relationship or the other friend in the relationship to say, I know that you're in need right now, I know that you're not fully able to do what it is we had discussed, but I don't feel like I'm able to be there for you in an emotional capacity. You know, maybe, maybe they're really sad that they couldn't go to the zoo to you and they feel like a bad friend, you know, they feel lazy, and maybe you're just kind of in a space of like, listen, I needed this day. I needed a good day to just feel some relief, to go enjoy some time with these animals and get things off my mind. It is totally okay for you as the friend on the other end of that message to just say, Hey, that's okay. I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy the zoo today, and I'll probably be off my phone for a while, or I might not respond for a while. It is totally okay for you to also have boundaries and not be able to be there all the time for that person. So, as the caretaker or as the friend on the receiving end of that, you know, that limitation, I want you to know that your needs and your thoughts are also valuable. And I hope that you have a relationship with that person where you can express those things freely and them understand. Also, I think it's good to express the positives of I can, especially for those of us who are chronically ill. Maybe we're having a good day, and maybe you know, we want to reach out to a friend, we want to bless them in some sort of way. I think it's important to express hey, I know that we weren't able to go to the zoo last week, and I'm really sorry about that, but would you want to, you know, go out for some tea today, or would you want to go out to a park just to show them that you still do care for them and you really weren't trying to slack off on them or being lazy by not going to the zoo. You know, you need to show that you do care about them and that you are their friend as well. And same thing for the other side of the relationship. It's awesome when you are able to be there for us, and sometimes we're not gonna want to ask for help. And so it's totally okay to say, hey, if you need to, I I know you're not feeling good today. I can be here for you today. You know, I I'm just a phone call away. Is there anything that you need? Do you need me to come over and make you some food? Do you need me to go to the store for you? Is your husband home? Is there anything that you would need that he can't provide for you right now? So I think honesty is super, super important.

Conflict Repair With I Feel

SPEAKER_00 7:57

And I think with these difficult conversations, it's also let's say that you guys had kind of like a clash, and one of you is feeling like, ah, like maybe you're the healthy person in the relationship and you're feeling kind of used, or maybe you're the sick person in the relationship and you're feeling kind of neglected. It is totally okay, again, go to that person directly and say, Hey, are you available? Do you have the emotional capacity to be there for me for this difficult conversation? And if they say yes, use I feel statements. And by the way, just a disclaimer, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a pastor, I'm not a therapist. But these are just things that I learned in my experience that have been helpful, and also that I've heard advice from other people. So anyway, take this with a grain of salt. But I think using I feel statements is very important. You know, last week I expressed to you that I was having a really bad pots episode, or I was having some really severe flare-ups and feeling a lot of heat. And you were at my house with me, but you were just playing video games. You didn't really seem to care that I was having pain. And that made me feel kind of like neglected. Do you mind, you know, if I'm wrong about that, I'm sorry. Could you explain that to me? And then just being honest, yeah, you know, either sorry, I I'm so sorry, I do care about you. And in that moment, I was just distracted. Or maybe you're not sure what to do when your friend is in a flair, and just being honest about, yeah, I honestly just didn't know how to react. You're in pain a lot, you feel heat in in your joints a lot, and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do in those situations. Or maybe you meet them on the other side, and maybe you felt something as well. Yeah, honestly, I'm sorry that you felt that way. And I kind of ignored you because sometimes I feel as if you're trying to get attention. Sometimes I feel like you complain too much. Just trying to be honest on both sides because that's where you can actually express clarity. That's where the chronically ill person can explain, you know, oh, I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I am in pain a lot. I do feel heat in my joints a lot, and I will try less to complain and maybe be more blunt about what I need. Like, hey, I'm sorry to bother you. Could you get me an ice pack, right? And vice versa on the other side. Yeah, I'm sorry. I acknowledge that you're in pain. I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain. I'm kind of tired right now, you know, and I don't think that's something I'm able to really get for you right now. I think it is it's good to be honest. And obviously, like there's times where it's gonna be awkward to have those conversations, and it's appropriate to take space when you need that. But it's never good to do the opposite and just lie about things. So it's not good when you're chronically ill and you're supposed to go to the zoo, you wake up in a flare and you say that you can go, because then you might end up actually creating a scene at the zoo, or you might end up hurting yourself later in the week and not being able to be there for other people that are important in your life. So it's not good to push past your personal limitations, and it's not good to lie to yourself and not be honest about how you're feeling. And it's not good if you're the person on the other side who's constantly helping, constantly supporting your chronically ill friend, constantly taking care of them, and not explaining right now, today, I don't think I can be there for you the way that you need, because that's gonna build up resentment and that's gonna build up exhaustion and fatigue in you. So I highly recommend just being honest on both sides, trying to be honest with ourselves, I think is the hardest part because if you're anything like me, sometimes you don't realize what you need, maybe until it's a little late, or you have high standards for yourself, and so you push yourself to an extent that is just unreasonable. I totally get that, and I think a lot of people in the chronic chronic illness community get that. A lot of people that naturally want to be helpers and caretakers get that, but everybody listening, hey you, buddy, you're human. Okay, you're human and it's okay. Express your boundaries, express your needs. All is well, everyone listening.

Box Breathing Reset

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Can we just take a minute and breathe? I feel like I'm so like rush, rush, you gotta get this done, gotta get this episode produced, gotta be there for other people. Let's just take a second. Let's do let's do let's do box breathing together. I think that's what it's called. Let's figure this out together, guys. Let's take four seconds inhale, four second pause, four second exhale. And then I think it's supposed to be another four second pause. Y'all ready? Okay. Ready? Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out. Okay. Thank you for indulging in that with me. I think number two for at least our discussion today is going to be trust. Because I think that it can be very hard to believe someone's shoes that you are not in and to understand where they're coming from.

Trusting Each Other's Limits

SPEAKER_00 13:31

And so it's really important to trust someone when they say that they are in need. So, for example, I have pots personally, and when I tell my husband, hey, I don't feel like I can get out of bed, or I really feel like I need to go back to bed and lay down, he trusts me. He believes that I'm not trying to get something from him, I'm not trying to use him, I'm not trying to be annoying or get attention or just be lazy. He really believes that I'm going through what I'm going through. And I think that that is so important is trust. I know that it can be scary. I know that you can be scared to be used by your chronically ill friend. I know that you can be scared that maybe they're succumbing to their sickness, but they are in their body and you are not. And so I think it's important for you to trust them when they say they are feeling the way that they're feeling. Vice versa, for our healthy friends or our caretaking friends, I think that we as chronically ill people need to trust where they're coming from. So if they come to you and they say, Hey, I I'm sorry, I'm just not able to be there for you today. You know, maybe they need to go out and do something more exciting, more lively. Maybe they need to be with another friend that day just to kind of lift their spirits. Maybe they just feel like they need some space because they feel some pressure to be there for you. You need to trust as a chronically ill person that they are doing what is best for them because it can be tempting and scary to think they're abandoning me, they don't believe in me, they're sick of me, they don't want to be friends with a person that's sick. Those are all insecurities talking. And uh I need you to remember, we need to remember that they are human too, they have limits as well. And so just because your friend says that they need space, just because they say they're not able to be there for you that moment, just because they say, hey, I feel like you're focusing a little bit too much on your chronic illness lately, does not mean that they have it out for you and doesn't mean that they believe in you. Sometimes they're able to see things that we can't see, and also again, they're just human. So try to trust your friend and that they love you and that they have good intentions for you. Trust is super, super important, guys, especially in marriage, but in any relationship, in a work relationship, in a family relationship, in a friendship. It's all very important. So let's try to give each other the benefit of the doubt as love always trusts. That's in uh 1 Corinthians 13. A third really important aspect of navigating a relationship while you're in chronic illness, is patience. And what I mean by this is that we've talked about, you know, how you need to trust and you need to

Patience And Helpful Resources

SPEAKER_00 16:37

be honest. Well, in that process, you need to be patient, right? So if someone in the relationship, whether you're the chronically ill person in this scenario or the healthy person is this in this scenario, actually, even in a healthy and healthy relationship, like healthy person, healthy person, whatever, often we all need time, space, understanding. So as your friend maybe feels overwhelmed by helping you in your chronic illness, give them time. Maybe they come from a household that totally ragged on people that were disabled or chronically ill or had invisible illness. Maybe their father or mother were ableists, you don't know. Maybe they had to grow up their whole lives going to school, even when they had fevers, because it was seen as weak to not be productive even when you weren't feeling well. You don't know the situation that someone is coming out of. And so if they have moments of hesitancy to believing in your chronic illness or your boundaries, if they feel like you're using them, give them some time. Give them some space. Try to understand where they're coming from, you know, maybe ask them questions, not like in an interrogating, like, oh, I'm right, you know, or like trying to gaslight them way, but just genuinely be curious and patient. Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that you feel like I'm using you. I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. Do you mind telling me a little bit more about that? What did I say or do that made you feel that way? And then maybe if if you discover that it is something to do with their past, how they were raised, or even just how they felt about chronic illness up to this point, maybe just talking about that. What makes you feel that way? What makes you think in that manner? And again, not in an accusatory way, not even in a way to try to change it, but in a way to try to genuinely understand, right? You want your healthy person to understand where you're coming from, even though they have a healthy body. And chances are if you were listening and you're chronically ill, at one point you probably weren't. Do you remember what it's like to have a healthy body? Do you remember what it was like looking at people with disabilities and invisible illnesses and chronic illnesses and wondering what that was like, or not understanding or fully comprehending, or even paying much men much mind to what that was like? Or maybe some of you some of you were ableist, you know, try to to take off the the offense that we can feel, right? Because it is easy, let's be so honest. It's easy to be offended because it's like, bro, like, why do you not believe me? I'm your friend, I'm your friend, and I'm going through this extremely difficult illness in my body that I didn't choose, and I have to go through the rest of my life. The least that you can do is trust me. That's how it can feel, right? But we need to pick up patience, and just as we are wanting them to give us the benefit of the doubt for something that they don't understand for a walk that they are not in, we need to do the same for them. We don't know where they're coming from. Maybe we can figure that out. And maybe if we put on that lens of trying to remember what it was like before we were chronically ill, if you have that experience, that could be helpful. Trying to put our feet in their shoes just as we want them to put their feet in ours. And on the other side, if you're a healthy person, I've kind of talked ag nauseum on this podcast about learning to trust people with chronic illness. So I highly recommend you go watch some of our former videos on those topics. But the same goes for you. Try to be patient with your chronically ill friend. Know that chances are they're trying to do the best that they can do in their body. And it's not always easy, and it's not always possible to do things that they want to do. So try to give them the benefit of the doubt, give them some trust and patience and time. Try to imagine what it's like to live with an illness that not everybody can see or understand. And I think another addition to this patience category is giving someone resources, right? So if you struggle with ableism, maybe send your chronically ill friend an article or a video on ableism, right? It's okay to admit that you struggle with ableism and you struggle to understand other people who are sick when you are not. And maybe if you're the sick person in this situation, send a video or an article with your specific chronic illness, trying to explain to your friend what it's like to have this chronic illness. I think resources are really powerful and can speak in ways that maybe we don't know how to speak. So let's be patients with one another, guys. Okay, we're all human, we're all trying to figure this thing out, and let's let's be nice, okay? Number four is a big topic. I don't even know, guys. Like, this could probably be a whole episode in of itself, and again and again and again, I have to say, please take this with a grain of salt. This is just

Boundaries And Relationship Recheck

SPEAKER_00 21:47

my personal experience. Okay, if you are finding that someone is continually offending you, again on either side of the spectrum here, healthy or sick, and let's say you have a sick friend who over no. And over again makes topics of conversation about themselves and what they're going through. And even when you've expressed to them, do you mind asking me how I'm doing every now and again? I notice that every time I ask how you're doing, you're always just kind of egging on about your chronic illness. I miss you. I miss who you are besides your chronic illness. And it's okay that you feel this way with your chronic illness. It's okay that you talk about it, even on a day-to-day basis, but it just feels kind of obsessive, and I can't see you anymore. And I also want can't feel seen in this relationship anymore, right? It's kind of like it's kind of like the chronic illness has taken over the relationship. And if you've expressed that and you feel like they still did not respect that, they still ended up making the conversation about themselves, about their chronic illness, about how much of a victim that they are. They don't really ask you how you're doing or let you talk about your struggles and what you're going through. They're not respecting you or your needs or even your friendship. I think that means you should probably consider boundaries. And I know, I know, I know that's like a hot topic, but it just might be time to consider to re-evaluate your relationships. Do let me explain. Also, if you're on the other side of things, obviously, if you're chronically ill and you find that you're continually devalued, right? They are maybe always making passive aggressive jokes about how they work and you don't, and how it must be nice to stay at home. And maybe they just kind of minimize your chronic illness. Oh, you have pots, so what? You can't ride roller coasters. Oh, if you would just, you know, maybe they're giving unsolicited advice, just do this, just do this, or maybe they're just encouraging you that if you just prayed enough and had enough faith, then you would be healed, right? And if and only if you have expressed, as we said at the beginning with honesty, I feel blank, right? And even though you've expressed that, they continue to hurt you and to act in ways that they know have hurt you in the past, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. I don't know what this looks like, okay, to be honest with you. I'm not an expert, but maybe just asking yourself how much do I give in this relationship? How much do I get in this relationship? How much do I feel heard? Or how much do I hear that person? Right? Because the other side of this is honestly that you could also need to be the one who needs boundaries put up against you for you. Does that make sense? So let's say you realize, oh, I have been pretty ableist, I haven't been respecting that they asked me not to make jokes about them not working, or oh, I have really been hyperfixated on my chronic illness and not cared about this person. That's convicting, dude. And to have someone sit down and have that conversation with you of hey, it bothers me when you do this, and we've talked about this, and I feel like it's still not getting better. That that's a scary conversation to have, but it's important. So you need to re-evaluate your relationship. How much are you giving from the to the relationship? How much is being given to you from the relationship? Do you feel respected as a person? Do you feel valued as a person? Do you feel like you value and respect the other person, right? Like, let's just be completely honest with ourselves about this relationship, this friendship that you were talking about. You need to reevaluate it. Is this genuinely benefiting your life? Because I know that for somebody listening, this is striking a nerve. Because you might have someone in your life who you feel like is draining you. You have like this subconscious voice that's like, I don't want to answer their texts. I don't even want to like think about them. I'm just drained when I'm about them or when I'm around them. And this might be really hitting home because it's hard when when you love someone, it's incredibly hard to imagine your life without them, right? And I'm not saying that you have to completely cut them off. Boundaries doesn't always have to mean that, okay? But I think if you are just in the same relationship that is not benefiting you, nor your family, nor your friends, the people around you is actually taking from you, you might just find that your life and your health will flourish if you create a different relationship with that person. So I think step one is re-evaluating, asking yourself those questions about how you benefit one another in your relationship. And then I think you need to talk to them about it. Hey, we've had this conversation about how it really hurts me when you make jokes about me not working. That really hurts me. It makes me feel insecure, devalued, and also like my worth is in productivity and not in who I am as your friend. You keep making these jokes despite me having asked you not to. And I'm going to ask again that you please stop making these comments. And if you don't, I might have to insert boundary here. So if I were in this scenario, for example, I would probably say, if you don't stop making these comments, I'm probably gonna start having to spend less time with you. Or if you make these comments, it might be more difficult for me to ask how things are going at work or to talk about work in general. If you keep making these comments and other ones that make me feel devalued, this might mean that we need to take some space. It might mean that we need to move formats of how we communicate to strictly text for now, to strictly calling, to strictly writing letters, to strictly not talking. Every relationship and dynamic is very different and very unique. And I think that this has to be approached with such deep care and patience, because you can't just go cutting off people at the earliest inconvenience, right? You can't just go cutting them off because they hurt your feelings, because we're imperfect people and we're gonna hurt each other's feelings. That happens. On the other hand, you might find yourself in a much happier and healthier place if someone who has continually crossed your boundaries, despite you communicating with them, hey, this makes me feel this way, they keep stepping over that. You communicate again, you make bit different boundaries, you know, each time. Maybe you slowly create more strict boundaries. And at some point, if they clearly aren't respecting how you feel about something and not willing to adjust their behavior at least in the middle, or talk about it, or trying to make a compromise, I think that kind of shows where their value lies in your relationship. So I'm not encouraging anyone listening to cut someone off, okay? I'm not encouraging you because you were hurt by someone, because someone didn't understand your chronic illness, because someone said something that maybe they don't know is insensitive, like, oh, you look too young to be sick, or oh, like you should be happy that your results came back normal, etc. I'm not saying that you should immediately block that person, that you should blacklist that person, but I am saying that if you have someone who you love who has repeatedly acted in a way that makes you feel in love despite you communicating verbally, kindly, patiently, like we've talked about before, then it might be time to reevaluate your relationship, have a more serious conversation with ultimatums. Hey, if this behavior doesn't change, I really don't know to what level I can continue this relationship, and then holding to those boundaries. I had a scenario a few years ago where I had created boundaries with work because of my chronic illness, but then I would feel really guilty and then I would end up staying after my shift anyway, and then I would start feeling worse and worse because of my health. And I had someone, a good friend, shout out to you, Felix. You were a great wellness coach that summer. And he said to me, a boundary isn't a boundary if you cross it, right? Like if there's a wall and you break down the wall or hop over the wall, the wall is no longer holding its function, it's not a boundary. If a boundary is constantly moving and flexing, that's not a boundary, right? That's not a boundary. And that was actually very helpful for me to hear. So I hope that's helpful for you. That we need to be honest, we need to trust, we need to be patient, and we need to have good boundaries. And again, guys, that can look like a variety of things. Maybe it looks like someone that you have in your life right now is a close friend that you talk to daily about personal things that you go through. Maybe you kind of shift them more towards a fun friend position in your life. You go hang out with them, maybe you go to parties with them, but they're not going to be someone you necessarily confide in. Or maybe for you, it's a more difficult relationship. Maybe it's a parent in your life who has shown over and over again that they value you by your productivity and not as their child. And if that's your scenario, either one, I'm sorry, that's so hard. But I want you to know that you are loved, you are trusted, you are valued, you are worth being trusted, and you are worth being shown patience and effort, and you are worth people respecting your boundaries. Be reasonable, have reasonable boundaries, have the good hard conversations, and if and when it's time, enforce those boundaries. And I hope the very, very best for all of you. I hope you don't come to the point where you have to have boundaries with people. I know it sucks, I know it hurts, and it shouldn't be your number one go-to. But those conversations are really, really important. So respect yourself as a person, respect yourself as a human who deserves to be heard and to have your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings appreciated. Okay, that was hard. Number five is a little more fun. So this is intentionality. Intentionality is fun because again, on both sides, right? It can look like just thinking about the person

Intentional Care And Appreciation

SPEAKER_00 33:09

that you're in a relationship with. Let's say you're one of my friends, like my friend Brie. Okay, Brie is awesome. Brie has done so much for me. She's taking me to medical appointments across state lines before, and she helps out with this podcast a lot. And Brie's just awesome for so many ways. She's like one of the most supportive people ever. Shout out to you, Brie. You're amazing, you're one of the most tender-hearted people ever. Anyway, there are days that I have to cancel plans with Brie, right? I have to go home early. I have to say, hey, I know we're gonna do the sleepover. I don't know that I can commit to that anymore. And Brie has constantly been understanding, and she deserves so much intentionality, and I lack and Brie, I'm sorry. Okay, you deserve so much more love. We need to be intentional about our relationships. So maybe this is okay. Last week I feel kind of rough because I had to say no to Brie about having a sleepover. So this week I'm gonna be intentional and I'm gonna buy her a little gift because that's gonna make her feel special and loved because her love language is gifts, right? And vice versa, maybe it's the other way around, right? It doesn't even have to be making up for anything. We don't want any love bombing here. If you don't know what love bombing is, you should look it up. You should look it up. It's interesting. But we don't want to love bomb, but we do want to show appreciation for our friends. And on the other end, if you have a friend who's chronically ill and you know that they're not feeling well, maybe the intentionality is asking, hey, what do you need today? You know, maybe it's do you need me to cook a meal and then going and cooking a meal? I've had several friends, Emma and Hannah, come over and help me clean my house when I wasn't feeling good. Like intentionality goes such a long way. And if we don't have intentionality, nothing's gonna happen or grow in our relationships. So I think intentionality is a great way to go. Just thinking about okay, how can I encourage this person verbally? What is a word that they need to hear right now to feel appreciated, to feel seen, all those good things? What is a practical gift I could give them? You know, what's do electrolytes help them? Do heat packs help them? Do lawn chairs help them? I don't know. Literally, just thinking about practical things. Does this friend who comes over and helps me a lot really like movies? Do they really like animes? There's something I could get them just to show them I'm really appreciative for the way that they meet me and that they love me. What about quality time? When you're sick, you miss out on a lot of that, right? Because you sometimes just need to lay in bed and try to recover. But what about quality time? What about letting them come over when you're not doing well? If you feel like that's something you're able to do, some people love being there for you even when you're not doing well. They love being a body double and sitting in your bedroom with you while you lay in bed and they sit in the corner and watch a TV show or read a book or something. Some people love being there for you. And also when you have the energy and the ability again, it's awesome to try to spend some quality time with that person. Maybe you've noticed that a lot lately. You've been in a lot of pain. This person's been here for you a lot. Try to just acknowledge that. Hey, like you've been here for me a lot lately, and I've been really focused on my chronic illness. And I'm sorry if that feels like that's taken up a lot of space. How are you doing? Is there anything that you need? Being really appreciative for the way that they've been there for you. And again, vice versa. Maybe you realize that your friend is isolating because of their chronic illness, trying to nudge them to push themselves a little bit, to allow you in and to allow some vulnerability, and just spending that quality time really getting to know each other and being there in a way that's gonna benefit each other. So intentionally goes a long way in any relationship, and especially in a chronically ill relationship. This means more to us than you can know, even just small actions like going and getting us a glass of water when we can't stand up. It's very, very appreciated. So we are very, very thankful to our caretakers and to our friends who understand us and love us. Thank you for being there for us. Make sure that you show your caretakers and your friends some intentionality this week. And for those of you listening to be educated for chronic illness, thanks so much for being here. Make sure you reach out to your chronically ill friend and ask their how they're feeling this week. Ask if there's anything they're learning about their chronic illness. Ask if

Wrap Up And Community Calls

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there's anything that they need. Thanks so much for listening, guys. I hope this was helpful. And if you have any other questions, thoughts, concerns, comments on how to navigate relationships while being chronically ill, please feel free to comment or email us at cwcipodcast at gmail.com. I love you guys so much. I hope you go check out the other episodes discussing similar topics to this, as well as our full-length interviews where we interview other Christians with chronic illnesses. I love you guys. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of the Christians with Chronic Illnesses community. Please remember to follow Rate and subscribe to the show. You can also follow us on our socials at CWCI Podcast. And if you're interested in sharing your story, please email us at cwcipodcast at gmail.com. If you are interested in contributing to the production of Christians with chronic illnesses, please see the show notes below for subscriptions starting as low as $1 a month, or email us for a more direct way to give. This show is hosted and produced by Ellie Sprague, and our incredible logo, thumbnail, and overall CWCI artist is Brianna Middleton. This show is intended for entertainment and encouragement purposes only. Please talk to your doctor before trying anything you hear on this show. Until next Monday!