Is God Good? Q&A with L. A. Sprague

A chronic illness diagnosis felt, to L. A. Sprague, like both a punch in the gut and a deep exhale at the same time. Having lived with unexplained symptoms, she understood that the real torment was often the unknown and the fear that nobody believed her. She explains why receiving a name for what was happening brought relief—not because she was glad to be sick, but because validation changed everything.

From there, she discusses navigating the medical system. Some doctors, she notes, hand patients a label and send them back to life with no guidance, while others take the time to listen, explain, and connect them to meaningful resources. She shares what it felt like to be on her own, why that experience can push patients into advocacy, and why community support matters so deeply for those living with chronic illness.

She also addresses the mental health dimension, emphasizing that chronic illness does not only affect the body. L. A. Sprague opens up about living with major depressive disorder alongside POTS, describing the cycle of progress and setbacks, and how a single virus can undo months of effort. She then turns to a question she hears often: when does it get easier? While she does not offer a simple answer, she describes a path forward that includes grief, one small gratitude, and one small next step.

Finally, she reflects on the theology of suffering with honesty. Chronic pain, she explains, can reshape how a person sees God and may even introduce doubt about God’s goodness. She frames belief as trust without certainty and points to the image of taking Christ’s yoke and allowing Him to carry the heavier side.

If this conversation helps you feel less alone, please subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so that more chronically ill Christians can find the community.

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Transcript

Welcome And Show Format

L. A. Sprague 0:00

I'm your Jesus loving and pote host, L. A. Sprague. Welcome to Christians with Chronic Illnesses. Howdy everybody. Welcome to the Halftime Show. You guys are asking brilliant questions. Almost too good of questions, if you know what I mean. Anyway, thanks for being here. I'm so happy that you're here with Christians with Chronic Illnesses. Per usual, this is the Halftime Show where I answer your questions and talk about random topics relating to Christianity and chronic illnesses. And we have our full-time episodes, full-time, full length, full-length episodes every other week, every Monday, where we interview. Wait. I'm probably so confusing. Guys, here's the layout. Monday, okay. Every other Monday. Half of the Mondays of the month, full length episode where we interview Christians with chronic illnesses. The other half is me talking about topics regarding you and your life with Christianity and chronic illness. Makes sense? Anyway, I'm happy you're here. Thanks for showing up and spending your time with me. Appreciate you so much. Let's get into it. If you have any questions, per usual, feel free to leave a comment or email us at cwcipodcast at gmail.com. And if you don't have anything to say, if you could just comment in Orange Heart, that would mean the world to us. We love you guys. Thanks for

Q1: Was it a relief getting a diagnosis?

L. A. Sprague 1:38

being here. Gloria Weimer, my grandma coming in clutch, she said, was it a relief to finally have a diagnosis? And I think a lot of people with chronic illnesses, I think a lot of people with chronic illnesses would relate to this sentiment that it is oddly relieving to get a diagnosis, which might sound weird if you're a healthy person. You might be thinking, Why are you happy that you're ill? Why are you happy that you're sick or that you have a diagnosis? It's not happening, it's not that we're happy that we're sick. We are happy to finally have an answer. Because many of us, and many of you probably listening, maybe you have symptoms or have had symptoms for a long time. Maybe you're just starting, I don't know. But the fear of the unknown is so scary, right? Like none of us like the unknown. And so it's really relieving, especially if you've been to doctor after doctor, if you've been gaslit a million times by healthcare professionals that think they know your body better than you do. It is so relieving, even if it's a really scary answer, to finally know, okay, this is real. I am not crazy, and this is what I can do to help my condition. Now, I must say I'm not terminally ill, and also everyone is different. And so if you are terminally ill and you have a different experience where it actually wasn't relieving to you to experience your diagnosis, or even if you're chronically ill and same situation, it wasn't relieving to you. I'd love to hear your comments and your thoughts on this. But for me personally, and I do think a lot of the chronic illness community, it was relieving to finally receive a diagnosis because it validates we're not insane, it gives us some resources where we can go to turn to help our condition if there is help for it. And it also gives us a community, you know. We can find other people who have similar chronic illnesses that we do. So, yes, I would say it was relieving to finally have a diagnosis. It wasn't relieving, obviously, to be sick, but it is relieving to have an

Did doctors provide good resources?

L. A. Sprague 3:47

answer. Your second question: did the medical community supply you with resources or did you feel like you were on your own? That's a good question. And I think it probably depends on the doctors that I've seen, because I'd say most of the doctors I've seen, well, maybe half, I don't know, have been flops where maybe they diagnose you, but then they don't really give you any information about POTS for me, you know, for me my diagnosis with POTS. So, for example, my initial diagnosis was in July of 2022 by a cardiologist, and not all cardiologists are like this. Every doctor is different, just like every person is different, right? But I got a phone call and they were like, hey, your doctor is diagnosing you with atypical postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. That was the fullest extent of that phone call. I got off the phone and went right back to work. They didn't send me any follow-up information about POTS. I would say the ER doctor I saw before that gave me even more information than my actual cardiologist gave me, which is impressive because it was a one-night thing where I went to the ER with unexplainable symptoms. And so for me, he gave me more information than my actual doctor did. He gave me a pamphlet that just had what POTS was, what he thought it could have been pots, and yeah, explained what it was, what some of the symptoms were, and how to get help. I saw another cardiologist, and she was supposed to be like in a POTS specialty clinic, I think, and she was not helpful at all. She did give me a lot of like paper resources which were helpful, like different ideas for healthy snacks that could be light and easier on the digestive system and less helpful in trying not to get, you know, POTS symptoms. And so that was helpful, or she gave me pamphlets that talked about POTS support groups, and those things were awesome resources, I'm sure. And to be completely frank with you guys, I haven't probably had the motivation to look into those resources as much as I should have. But she gave me great paper resources, but in person she was very dismissive. I tried asking more questions about my condition, you know, what are the causes and things like that. And she just would not budge and would not give me straightforward answers and kept kind of circling back around. Well, well, this is a chronic condition. This is a chronic condition, and she wasn't actually hearing my questions, and she was maybe in the room with me for five minutes. So I did not find help from her specifically in the medical community. But a doctor I will recommend who is so helpful and an incredible man, at least in my experience with him, Dr. Alexandre Barboy at IU University. He was the first doctor to just sit with me for I don't even know, 20 minutes and validate what I was going through, validate my condition, my illness, and my symptoms. And he has been so responsive when I've asked questions, when I've been concerned or confused. He's turned me to the right doctors to go to, whether it's my primary or I don't know, an allergen doctor, whatever those are called, and signed papers for me. He has been incredible. So I highly recommend Dr. Barboy. He is phenomenal and gave me resources I needed right away and validation. So it's definitely for your question of did I get resources I needed in the medical community, I was definitely mixed because there are resources out there that admittedly I could have pursued more, but the doctors themselves aren't always the greatest. And I think out of all the doctors I've seen, yeah, I feel like Dr. Barboy is probably the only one who has really understood what I was going through and cared enough about me as a patient to actually address my condition and my personhood and how my condition affects my body specifically. So I did feel a lot like I was on my own. And because of that, that's kind of why we created Christians with chronic illnesses, is I wanted to have a community of chronically ill believers around me because I did feel alone and I did feel like I needed to contribute to society in some way. Yeah, I honestly, the longer I spend in the medical field, like as a patient, the more I'm like, man, like in another life, I would be a doctor. Because though I've never been into medical stuff before, like this is also new for me. It's never been like my niche or anything like that. But having this experience has really caused me to want to be an advocate for chronically ill people and just to believe people more instead of being skeptical. Because as I've said on my podcast before, admittedly, it's hard when you're not walking in someone else's shoes to understand where people are coming from with their chronic illness. And that's why, for those of you listening who don't have chronic illnesses, I really honor you and admire you for spending time to listen and learn more about Christians with chronic illnesses or people with chronic illnesses in general, because that shows how much compassion and intentionality you have. Because it can be so hard to believe and understand where people are coming from if you are not sick yourself. So, to our friends, to our supporters and our lovers who aren't chronically ill, and you're listening and you're doing this for the person that you love. Thank you for being here. We appreciate you. To doctors and nurses listening to learn more. You are the doctors and nurses that we need in our community, and we're so grateful for you and that you are here. Please keep listening. Please keep communicating with us. We love you guys so much, and we really do hope that this will be a useful tool for the medical community.

Mental Health And Chronic Illness

L. A. Sprague 9:59

The username on TikTok, Braden hates this. First of all, phenomenal username. I love it. You asked, are you doing okay? Not physically, but mentally. I know how huge of an impact it takes, and I hope you know you're not alone. Braden's asking this to any chronically ill Christian because this was a response to my post asking, Hey, if you could ask any chronically ill Christian, what would it be? By the way, for those of you listening, um, if you could ask any chronically ill Christian a question, what would it be? Just curious, you know. Feel free to comment or email us with that response. But you listening as well. For Braden's question, are you doing okay? Not physically, but mentally specifically. Having a chronic illness can have a huge impact on us mentally, and that's so real. The I think that this is becoming more common knowledge, but the body and the mind are connected in very deep ways, and I mean it makes sense because the brain is literally part of the body, and so I'm not sure why for so long there's been such a disconnect. Maybe it's because psychology is like booming now, you know, we're getting a lot of resources and doing a lot of research, but there's so much connection between how your brain is doing, I feel like almost not even just connection, but like your brain controls so much of what your body's doing, of your thoughts, and so when you're mentally ill, as well as chronically ill, or chronically ill, and then develop mental illness, whichever, it really takes a toll. And one thing that's been complicated about my personal journey, and I'm gonna be very vulnerable with you guys in saying this, and I think that's fair for me to do, considering I'm always interviewing people and asking them hard questions. But within my journey personally, I had major depressive disorder first and then developed postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. And major depressive disorder has been my battle, I would say, probably since I was 11 years old. And POTS alone is already, you know, an up and down, in my in my experience at least, condition. You know, I have periods where I'm losing weight, I'm healthier, I'm moving more, I'm happier, I'm more energetic. And then I have other periods where I'm gaining weight, I'm really symptomatic. I'd I'm in bed for, you know, it feels like months. And it's really difficult because, you know, how we're doing, I mean, how anyone's doing, right? If you're listening and you don't have a chronic illness mentally or physically, you know how it is. Life happens, right? Day to day, you could be sad one day, happy the next, mad the next, whatever. With chronic and mental illness, it really, in at least again, at least in my experience, does feel like a roller coaster. And I'm very grateful that at least it's not always down, you know, like at least I have periods where I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm energetic, I'm physically more capable of sustaining myself and doing things. And I'm I'm very grateful for those moments. But I just want to validate anybody out there who maybe, you know, you had your chronic illness at the beginning and it had all these symptoms and was awful. And then maybe you got it a little better with managing and at the beginning when you're really passionate to study your chronic illness to find out more about, you know, what can I do with this? What are things that can help me? Well, it's okay, you know, if you started to get better and maybe you plateaued, or maybe you lost motivation and started going downhill. Another tricky thing with chronic illness, too, is that you can work your way up to better health, but one small thing like a flu could take out months of work, and that's kind of where I'm at right now. I had really worked hard, you know, last I don't even know, let's say May through September, and then you know, I kind of was okay, doing pretty good September through December. Got hit with a flu in January and completely took me back to what feels like square one. So it can be really discouraging if you put months of work into being better as a chronically ill person or a mentally ill person, and then there's one setback that you feel like just takes you back to the beginning. But I do want to remind you as well as myself, it is not in vain. If you're getting better even for a day, is that not worth it? Especially if you have people who love you and who are looking after you and want the best for you, is it not worth trying for them? Is it not worth trying for yourself? Is it not worth trying to take care of the temple that God has given you of your body to please Him? So, how are you doing physically and mentally? I'm wondering, for you listening, how are you doing? Is your journey similar to mine where it's very up and down? Are you doing pretty well right now? If you are, that'd be awesome. I would love to hear some positivity for people that are really struggling. So if that's what you're going through and you are happy as a clown, I love that. Comment some jokes in the in the comments below. Would love to hear that. Thank you for this question, Braden. We really appreciate it. Mimi Her.

When Does It Get Easier

L. A. Sprague 15:53

You said when does it get easier? Miriam, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not sure what your chronic illness is personally, and I'm I'm not sure. I guess it depends how you define better as well. Easier, I suppose you said. If you're talking about your chronic illness and your symptoms, that's hard, dude. Because for some people it really is a downhill, you know, tumble. And for others of us, as I was just saying, it's like a roller coaster, it goes up and down. So, but my hope for you, Mimi, is that you will be able to find hope and joy no matter your struggle, and hopefully that will make it easier. Because I think even in the most hellish conditions, you know, we read and hear stories of people who were in World War II concentration camps, and we can't even imagine the suffering that was in store for those people, but so many of them still found a way to have hope and joy even in their intense suffering. So, when does it get easier? Maybe it won't, dude. I'm gonna be real with you, like I don't know. But I do hope that you know that in this, the Holy Spirit, I believe personally, the Holy Spirit is with you, he loves you, he lies with you in your pain, and he understands you. I hope that you can cling to him and I pray that he will give you some physical relief. That would be great. And I also hope that you'll be able to identify in your moments of flare-ups and pain at least one thing that you can be grateful for, whether it's the comfortable bed you're lying on, I hope it's comfy, you know, whether it's food that you can eat, water you can drink, someone who's taking care of you, medicine, whatever it is. I hope that you're able to find at least one thing to be grateful for grateful for in your pain. So I know that's not an easy answer because none of us know if it's gonna get easier, right? And for some of the some of us, maybe it does, right? A lot of chronic illness conditions we can get into remission if we try, and if our bodies are able, and so maybe that's what that looks like for you. Maybe it looks like putting in the effort of the exercise and the diet and all those things, and that's easier said than done. And again, it's hard, it's so easy to get set back, especially with a chronic illness. But maybe there is gonna be easier times for you. I'm not sure. But I would just encourage us to focus less on when is this gonna get easier? Because I think I'm sure this isn't what you're trying to do, but I think that can put us in a victim mindset, right? Of oh, my life is just so hard all the time, and that's valid, right? Because it probably is hard a lot of the time you're chronically ill, right? But maybe instead changing our mindset to this is hard, and there is no light of it letting up, and I'm gonna accept that. I'm going to feel the weight of that. I'm going to mourn that as much as you need to mourn and grieve that. You need to sit in that, by the way, right? Grief is a process, you have to sit in that, you have to cry about it, you have to process it, but you're not gonna stay there forever. This is hard, and I'm going to try to just think of one thing I can be grateful for. I'm going to try to just do one thing I can do to improve my situation right now. So that's my encouragement for you, Mimi. I hope that that's helpful. I know it's easier said than done, and I hope none of you listening are hearing being preached at. And I hope you know that I am on this struggle with you guys too. If I'm completely honest with you guys, like dieting is hard for me, dude. That's a lot of discipline. Exercise is harder because I love exercising, but it ironically, with my condition, it both induces symptoms as well as helps prevent them. And so I hope you're not hearing me preaching at you. I hope you're not hearing, oh, it's in your responsibility to make your life easier. I'm not saying that, but I am saying maybe fix your focus after you have properly mourned that, and that will probably be a process of mourning again and again. But after you have given yourself that time to just be real and raw and honest with yourself about the hardness of your situation, I do hope that you will fix your eyes on the light of Christ because he hasn't left you, he does love you. This was his plan for you. As crazy as that is, and I don't know why. You are right where he wants you, okay? He's got you, and he's not gonna leave you. He's not gonna leave you alone in this. He believes you, he knows what you're going through, and even if it doesn't get easier, right? God promised that he would be with us in the hardships of life, and I hope that as you give him your yoke, right? I'm sure that many of us know this scripture, but Jesus says, Take my yoke upon you for my burden is easy, right? It's it's light. And the picture of the yoke, as many of us I think know, but if you don't, that's chill. I didn't know this till my adult years some time ago. The picture of the yoke is two oxen, and there's this thing that goes over their head that straps them basically to the cart that they're pulling. So if you have two oxen on it strapped together. They're both gonna push that yoke together, that weight together. And Jesus is basically saying, Hey, if you put your yoke with me, right? You know, you take my yoke on you. Basically, I'm gonna do a majority of the pushing. He's gonna carry that for you. He's gonna push that through for you. So, Mimi, take Christ's yoke upon you. He loves you and he wants to sit with you in the hardship of this. He wants to push with you in the hardship of this. And my hope and prayer is just that you're able to feel that. That's my hope and prayer for you. And for all of you listening, that's my hope and prayer

Doubt And The Theology Of Suffering

L. A. Sprague 22:41

for you. Maddie Page, you ask, has chronic illness changed your perspective on God or his character and goodness slash theology of suffering. You said you're interested in this topic and its uniqueness to Christians with chronic illnesses. So you'd love to hear different perspectives and deeper into theology discussions. Ooh. Dang. So I actually have someone that I am hoping to get on here to talk about the theology of suffering. She's a good friend from mine from college, and she has the most beautiful heart. And in my opinion, and from what I've witnessed with her, she's gone through a tremendous amount of mental anguish. And so I'd really love to have her on here. So if you are listening and you have any questions about it's called the theology of suffering, and theology just means the study of God, right? So theology of suffering, kind of what is the study of God and how he relates to suffering? So anyway, I'm hoping to have her on here. So if you have any questions about the theology of suffering, please leave them below or give us an email so that I can ask her those questions on her interview. For me personally, has chronic illness changed my perspective of God and God's character and goodness? I'm gonna have to be honest and say yes. I don't know if it's my chronic illness exactly, but suffering in general, I just don't like it. And I think I've talked about that on the show before. I really do struggle with realizing, and not realizing, but accepting the fact that people suffer, people struggle, and you know, like it's just the classic question of why would God allow suffering? And dude, I don't know. Like, I don't know. I did, I think, a ton of research on that in college, and you just the more you research, the more you end up with bah, you know, like no answer, and unsustainable or unsatisfying answers. So I don't know. And to be honest with you, yeah, like it's really changed my perspective of God's goodness because sometimes I'm not sure that he is. Can I just be real with you guys? Can I be raw with you guys? And I know that a lot of people believe it's heresy to say that God isn't good, so you know, there's that, but I can't help but be honest with where my belief is with God and that I often don't know. But I sure hope he is. And I think that when you experience the level of doubt and mental anguish that a lot of people with chronic illnesses do, especially mental illnesses, but physical as well, you wouldn't blame them for not really knowing. So yeah, it it has changed my perspective. It does make me wonder and question and doubt if he's actually good, but I sure hope he is. And I think that it would probably be beneficial to believe that he is, and perhaps even biblical to believe that he is. So, friends, let's hold on to the hope that God is great, that he has everlasting love, and he's a good counselor, a good father, as described in biblical scripture. Let's hope for that. Let's cling to that, and that doesn't mean you have to be certain, by the way. It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean that you have to lie to yourself and to say that you believe something that you don't. It doesn't mean that you have to brainwash yourself into believing that. No, nope. God asked you for belief, and belief isn't certainty. In fact, you have to be uncertain to believe, literally. Like I sat in this chair today, and for all I know, maybe it wouldn't have held me. Maybe you guys would have had a little lol, a little laugh, because it would have fallen and I would have fallen on the floor, bro. That would have sucked for me. But I believe this chair is gonna hold me. I don't know that. But I believed I had I even had confidence in that belief that it would hold me. And thankfully I was right. I think relationship with God is similar. You know, I don't know that he is good. I don't even know that I fully believe that. I don't even know if I fully claim that. But in this moment, for me, I think I need to hope that he is good. So just like I sat in this chair, believing that it would hold me, I hope that me and you and everyone listening, everyone in the whole world, that'd be cool, will be able to lean in God's arms and just hope that he will hold them. And I have a feeling that even if we're not certain, even if we feel like, oh my gosh, I'm doing distressful. I don't know if this chair is gonna hold me, I don't know if God's there, I don't know if he exists, I don't know if he's good, I don't know if he's gonna hold me. I hope that we will have the belief enough to just try, to lean back into his arms, to let go of our worry and our control over our situation, over our physical and mental health, and trust that his arms will hold us. And I have a feeling that he will. Thanks for this question, Maddie. Man, hopefully I don't get stoned as a heretic. Let me know. If I have a stoning, could like I don't know, could you guys like make I don't know, like a meme or something out of it? That'd be kind of I probably shouldn't be joking about that. Don't stone me. Okay. Thanks.

Communities Updates And Closing

L. A. Sprague 28:52

Anyways, thanks so much for listening to Christians with chronic illnesses. I love you guys a lot, and I really appreciate your questions. Again, you guys ask brilliant questions, almost too brilliant for my little mind to wrap around. So I really appreciate your time and your listening, and I really hope that you will join us. Just some reminders. We have a Discord community, we have a Facebook community where we chat. You know, we talk about hard things we go through. So if you guys want to join, the links are in the show notes below. Okay. I love you, fam. Thanks again for spending your time with us. And remember to lean into Christ. Remember just to give him a shot. I believe that he loves you, and I believe that his loving arms will catch you. Okay. Ta-ta! Thank you so much for being a part of the Christians with Chronic Illnesses community. Please remember to follow Rate and subscribe to the show. You can also follow us on our socials at CWCI Podcast. And if you're interested in sharing your story, please email us at cwcipodcast at gmail.com. If you are interested in contributing to the production of Christians with chronic illnesses, please see the show notes below for subscriptions starting as low as $1 a month, or email us for a more direct way to give. This show is hosted and produced by Ellie Sprague, and our incredible logo, thumbnail, and overall CWCI artist is Brianna Middleton. This show is intended for entertainment and encouragement purposes only. Please talk to your doctor before trying anything you hear on this show. Until next Monday.